Awfully Delightful 90's: Songs 50 - 41

Let's get this party started! Per the rules mentioned Friday - to qualify for the countdown, a song must be both AWFUL and DELIGHTFUL at the same time, so many songs have been disqualified that would pop up in other rankings, countdowns or in your own opinion.

One other disclaimer: I've limited this to songs within my own 47 Gigs. Made research a hell of a lot easier. Even if it means publicly owning up to having these songs on Reggie (my iPod - named after Reggie Wayne because I purchased it with some Fantasy Football winnings and let's face it, I can't name an iPod after Donovan McNabb.

But first, a moment of silence to those just missing the cut:
How's It Gonna Be (Third Eye Blind)
Save Tonight (Eagle Eye Cherry)
Barbie Girl (Aqua)
Disarm (Smashing Pumpkins)
Everything By Boyz II Men
Lump (Presidents of the United States of America)
Sexual (Amber)
My Name Is (Eminem)
Lightning Crashes (Live)

Now on to business:
#50: What It's Like (Everlast): You gotta give it up for a song that describes a homeless man as being "full of mange" - a term normally reserved for shelter dogs - but does so in a sympathetic way. Furthermore, the basic premise of this song is "Be grateful your not homeless". OK then. I'm aware, and thankful that I have a roof over my head. But I must ask, Mr. Everlast - what bolt of lightning struck you from your donkey? When we last heard from you, you were Vanilla Icin' it for House of Pain telling me to Jump Around and warning me not to eat pigs because a pig is a cop. I guess being Irish and having a record deal means you must devote your life to the poor.

#49: You Wanted More (Tonic): Who the hell names their band after a mixer? Did some aspiring group already have a copyright on Cranberry Juice? Apparently someone in the band shoplifted a book of love poetry from Barnes and Noble and added their own sophomoric chorus to the mix and the result was a feature spot on an Awfully Delightful Soundtrack. "Love is color, Love is love, Love is never saying you're too proud. Love is trusting, Love is honest, Love is not a hand that holds you down." Love is Love. Deep man. Freakin DEEP! I'd really like to hear Mr. Tonic's wedding vows. "I want you to be my wife. Because a wife is a wife." And yes, this only qualifies as delightful because it reminds me of American Pie. The greatest comedy of the decade.

#48: Take a Picture (Filter): Awake on my airplane, Awake on my airplane. The essential 1990's Pop Song: static voice, shrill guitar, repetitive lyrics and piss-poor symbolism. Very few songs were able to accomplish the "Grand Slam" like this one-hit-wonder did. Bonus points for using overly-90s terms like Sanctity and Hypocrisy. And assuming that they rhyme because they both end in "y". And they even kick their cliche into overdrive by blatantly blaring out their angst at their old man at the end of the song. I've always thought that the unofficial motto of the 1990s was "And How Does That Make You Feel?". And these guys feel inadequate, and they want you to know. Kudos.

#47: Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Shania Twain). Some prefer the original version of this song, "All I Wanna Do Is Have Some Fun" by Sheryl Crow. But not me.

#46: Why Don't You Get a Job? (The Offspring). Yeah, all it takes sometimes to get me to like a song is lines like "I hate that bitch" or "I hate that dick". This comes pretty close to touching on all of the markers for an essential 90s song, only missing the pretentious lyrics. But more importantly, it reminds me of a time where one could in fact get a job. Oh how far we've fallen.

#45: Genie In a Bottle (Christina Aguilera). I am so happy that, in 1999, I was not able to bet heavily on "Christina versus Brittney: Who Becomes The Trainwreck?." Cause I'd have bet every last penny on the Diirrrty Christina. I could have sworn soft-core porn was in her future and her achievement ceiling was basically going to be that of Samantha Foxx. And yes, I'm to ashamed to wiki Christina's age to find out how old she was in 1999. But come on, you can't escape the innuendo in "Gotta rub me the right way". That alone is the qualifier. Or, at least that's what I'm telling myself to justify admitting that I own this song.

#44: December (Collective Soul). Why drink the water from my hand? Contagious as you think I am. Just tilt my sun towards your domain. Your cup runneth over again. Wow. I think we have a winner for the definitive opening verse to a 1990s song. Is it possible to be more self-absorbed than comparing oneself to the Sun? And providing water? Other Benchmark Nineties Words used include Ambiance, Treachery and Vanity. Throw in the fact that you can hardly make out what they're singing and BAM! It all comes together.

#43: Pepper (Butthole Surfers) I'm not gonna lie. I have no effing clue what the hell this song's about. I know it uses such 90's buzzwords as "disease" and "racist" and it ends with a death or two. And of course, over-the-top symbolism and the use of "the sun" (90's musicians were the most sun-obsessed people since the Ancient Egyptians). But in terms of what the hell it all means? You got me.

#42: Far Behind (Candlebox). A throwback. A Golden Oldie. A hairband singing about losing a love one to drug use. A decade too late. But since I got me a hardcore hairband addiction, I can't let this last great 80s power-ballad go unnoticed.

#41: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) (The Proclaimers). Yes, this song is 100% miserable. There are very, very few redeeming qualities. But I got a very good friend who does a knockout performance of this song if you get about 53 ounces of bud light in him. (if you ask nicely enough, I'll pass along the youtube link). I tip my hat to him, because he took one of the 100 worst songs ever recorded and made it memorable, forever changing my opinion of the tune, and proving that there's hope for Coldplay after all. You know, if you wanna get shitfaced and sing Clocks to me.


If all goes well, #40 - #31 tomorrow.